My Humorous Rendition of Challenge 3

“How to Alienate Someone from Life WITHOUT Getting Caught:  In 15 EASY Steps”

(They are not really 15 lines, but I hope you will bear with me)

Ø  Step 1:  Prior to even beginning with the dangerous task about to unfold, establish a firm—albeit selfish—motive:  Who do you not like?  Why do you want them gone?.

Ø  Step 2:  Look for all the power tools, chemicals, mysterious knick-knacks—especially those labeled in foreign languages—and other items that are useless to your endeavor but just cool-looking.

Ø  Step 3:  Utilizing the items from the step above, decorate a secret alcove that will be dubbed your “Secret, Evil Lair,” where you shall plot all your devious deeds in secret, with the dark elements to inspire your devious ways.

Ø  Step 4:  In a preferably shabby and unsuspecting notebook, write down all your darkest secrets of hatred of that person, which you can write in it anywhere you want to, so long as no one peaks into it (those unfortunate to do so must be eliminated).

Ø  Step 5:  With the mindset even more harnessed with the above procedure and its notes meticulously kept in the lair, begin by cornering your victim in an unsuspecting place, but one where he/she feels comfortable in, preferably with people.

Ø  Step 6:  Create a mindless distraction, perhaps throwing confetti into the air.

Ø  Step 7:  Whilst everyone is distracted by your spectacular display, knock out your target with your fists or a blunt object.

Ø  Step 8:  Drag your target to a secluded area.  The risky part is that everyone must still remain distracted with your distraction, so something with fireworks could prove much more useful.

Ø  Step 9:  Once in the secluded area, ask a professional to perform a partial lobotomy to brainwash your subject.

Ø  Step 10:  Soon after, bludgeon the professional or—as the fates of irony would hold—even lobotomize him to forget ever helping you.  It is INTEGRAL that you do NOT kill the professional.  It would be too risky.

Ø  Step 11:  Dress up your now-brainwashed subject in appropriate attire, perhaps as a hippie or an illegal immigrant, but the better the disguise, the more committed the subject will be when he stirs.

Ø  Step 12:  Unceremoniously dump your subject in the preferred destination depending on the subject’s disguise.

Ø  Step1 3:  Punch/kick the subject below the belt in their “no-no square” for good measure.

Ø  Step 14:  Burn your “Secret Evil Lair” with all the evidence to the ground, engulfing your house with it in an unnecessary, dramatic fashion.

Ø  Step 15:  If you were careful not to get caught, sit back and let the mayhem unfold.  Lather, rinse, and repeat as necessary.